It's been six months since I wrote here. Six months since I really talked about it. Because I don't talk about it. Because for the past six months, I've pretended that I don't have it.
It was under control. And for that I was grateful. I lived my life in a world where I just ate what I ate, and pretended each and every stomach ache was just the same thing everyone else feels. But it wasn't. I wanted so badly to be the girl that doesn't have Crohn's. I wanted it to just be a bad dream. But it isn't.
I had to get a new doctor, due to insurance issues (that...is a whole other bag of worms...). And he just wants to run all these extra tests on me. Just to be sure. Another procedure, more meds, more blood work, MORE. Just to prove a fact that I already know to be true. And I do know. I already heard it, already saw the scans and the doctors findings and everything. I don't need to hear it again from someone new. I don't need to hear it at all.
I live in denial of what I know. I know what comes next if things don't change. And I just grit my teeth and pretend that it's not happening to me. That I am fine. Because I know what I have. I know who I am. I have to stop pretending I don't.
Six months of denial. Six months to forget. I had six months. Now I have the rest of my life to deal.
M
