It's been six months since I wrote here. Six months since I really talked about it. Because I don't talk about it. Because for the past six months, I've pretended that I don't have it.
It was under control. And for that I was grateful. I lived my life in a world where I just ate what I ate, and pretended each and every stomach ache was just the same thing everyone else feels. But it wasn't. I wanted so badly to be the girl that doesn't have Crohn's. I wanted it to just be a bad dream. But it isn't.
I had to get a new doctor, due to insurance issues (that...is a whole other bag of worms...). And he just wants to run all these extra tests on me. Just to be sure. Another procedure, more meds, more blood work, MORE. Just to prove a fact that I already know to be true. And I do know. I already heard it, already saw the scans and the doctors findings and everything. I don't need to hear it again from someone new. I don't need to hear it at all.
I live in denial of what I know. I know what comes next if things don't change. And I just grit my teeth and pretend that it's not happening to me. That I am fine. Because I know what I have. I know who I am. I have to stop pretending I don't.
Six months of denial. Six months to forget. I had six months. Now I have the rest of my life to deal.
M
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Hi Marisa
ReplyDeleteI don't know how I came upon your Blog but I did... maybe it was God...Because you need to know this is very curable trus me...I'm a Mother of two Daughters one is now 24 and my other one is 18 almost 19 and I have been going down this road once again.....both of my girls have been dignoised with JRA...I'll just give you the short story for now cause it is very long...which they have been on all kinds of medication all their lives...anyway my oldest ...when at the time she was 16 will skip all the detatils but she became very very sick and was dignoised with Ulcerated Colites from the liver specilist at C.M.H. one step under Crohn's.....she was so sick that she was bleeding every time she went to the bathroom or ate anything... nothing would stay down she lost so much weight and stomach hurt all the time....anyway this so called Liver Specialist told me if we did't put her on this new drug Remicaid....which we won't go into the side effects ( lets just say I was very ANGRY!) and we we're not doing anymore DRUGS. Her body was so toxic from previous drugs she needed to detoxt...which we found out way later that is exactly what was happening.....Anyway this DR. told me if I didn't put her on this medication that in 2 months she would be bledding to death and we will be taking out her colon...I said NO MORE DRUGS!! At this time I cryed out to God for an answer and went to the internt for help and rechearch on Crohn's Ulcerated Colites IBS all the same basicly waht happens is we need to have healthy bactria and bad bactria in our colon to digest our food properly whcih I'm sure you know all of this...In my research I found several people who found Nutrionalist went to them and where actully healed and reversed it to the point they could live with just proper food and enzyems.....My next Battle for me was to find a Nutrionalist where we lived in Kansas city..I was finding them every where else but where we lived....just so happened a freind of mine heard about what was going on through my church and called me I told her I what was goin on and I needed to find a Nutrionalist...Just so happen she new of one in Indep.MO DR Dorman....long story short ....we took her by there He said bring all her meds in with you and by the time we left there He looked me straight in the face and said..."I will have her healed in 2 weeks and he was dead SERIOUS!!!" I was stuned,excited,and dismayed all at the same time...because we are so trained to TRUST the medical proffesion I was now doubting it was crazy...one Dr who by the way was the Chief Liver Specilist at Childrens Mercy Hospital said bleeding to death and colon out in two months....and this on said healed in TWO weeks!!! WOW!!! it took 3 weeks to fully heal her she is was on a special diet at the time with a regiment of enzyems and other natural supplements she is now 24 years old Married and no more Problems what so ever she just takes enzyems to help break down certain foods she eats and does try to stay away from junk foods.... Let just say I did take her back to see the Dr at CMH after 2 months and HE was SHOCKED!!! and asked what kind of medication she was on I said NONE...He wrote NONE on her chart with and exclamation point and said she looks great what ever your doing keep it up I don't need to see her anymore... I am now going through the same process with my other daughter she has what you would call leaky Gut same thing just calling it different they told her if she doesn't change her eating and life style by the time she is 30 she will have colon cancer.....there is hope and healing for you as well I don't know where you live but research the internet for a Nutritionalist not a Dietition they are way different... TRUST me I told you my story to encourage you there is healing true healing I'm a Mother of 2 daughters I know:) please fell free to write me I would like to hear from you..Mom S