After the inital shock wore off...

It was good. Telling everyone all at once? It was kinda good. It felt good at least. I sat there the whole night I posted it and just watched the numbers on the views jump, knowing each time they did one more of my friends was listening to me from where ever they were. It felt like a monster weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could just be me again.


For the most part, everyone has actually been really good about it. No one has freaked out horribly, although some people initially were very concerned and had a lot of questions...which I expected. I welcomed actually. It shows people care. And while some had easy questions (does it hurt, what do you take, etc) some had really hard ones, ones that did make me want to cry because truthfully I don't know. I don't know what will happen to me. Chronic illnesses are ones that never leave you and are often the most unpredictable. It's just about how I take care of myself from now on.


I look back, and see how much I didn't used to take care of myself. How I let myself go really. And Crohn's is not a result of that, Crohn's is a luck of the draw type of deal, but still. It took a life long illness to make me see that I had to change how I was living. I should not have eaten fast food as much as I did, or eat sunflower seeds as often as I did. I should have used less sweet n low or drank more water. Because maybe then it would not have been such a shock to my body to go through everything I am now. Maybe it would have been easier. But then again, nothing with Crohn's is ever easy.

I do worry about the rest of my life still. How far my disease may progress or how it will effect my future relationships or lifestyle. When I went to my normal doctor for being sick a couple of weeks ago, she looked over all the forms sent to her by my gastro she said that it was just a little part of my intestines so far, but the so far kinda haunts me.

I think it's all about being strong. And not think about the so far's.

M