I don't want your pity, I want your support.

My dear friend,

If I could tell you this in person, I would. But I can't. I can't say the words to you without breaking into tears, I can't talk to you about what is happening without feeling my own heart swell up in worry. So read this, and just pretend I'm right there with you, explaining it all.

Remember when I got really sick a couple months ago? How I lost all that weight and just looked miserable? Remember how you would watch me clutch my stomach in pain? How I couldn't make it through one hour at work or one class without having to excuse myself? Remember how I had to keep going to doctors, and they kept telling me I was just sick?

Well, I was just sick. But it's the kind of sick that doesn't ever go away. I have what is called Crohn's Disease, and I'm telling you this because Crohn's will start to effect me in a different way. And I hope you are ok with me being quite frank when I am talking to you about this, because it's the only real way to describe it.

Crohn's Disease is a chronic illness that is also a type of IBS ,which, I know is kind of confusing. Basically, if you were a normal person, what happens when you eat something that upsets your stomach or intestines, they become inflamed, and that is what causes you to have gas, stomach aches, or long trips to the bathroom, right? Crohn's however, works differently. When my intestines become inflamed, my immune system thinks that my intestines are being attacked by something, and therefore go to work on it. However, the problem is that in all honestly my immune system is actually attacking my intestines, causing them to become even more inflamed and actually start to deteriorate.

Crohn's presents itself in people most often when they are in their late teens or early twenties, and usually happens as an after effect of another illness. I am 20 years old and right before I started experiencing the symptoms, I had just gotten over a virus. My symptoms included a lack of appetite, weight loss, constant bowel movement, lower abdomen cramps, and nausea. There is very little evidence as to what exactly triggers Crohn's Disease, or what causes it. DO NOT freak out and think that you may have it, I had my symptoms for over a month and it was only because I underwent a colonoscopy and endoscopy. They took biopsies from both my stomach and intestines and sent them off to be tested for a multitude of things. It took about a month for the final results to come back, and the biopsy from my intestines came back Crohns.

What I had back then? That was a flare-up. Something that occurred when everything I just described was set into motion. It was not a little one, like the kinds I have now, but an embarrassing month long painful episode. It was embarrassing to have to constantly excuse myself, to have to beg to have one of my coworkers come watch over the cafe so I could run to the bathroom. It was painful, because it is a constant cramp that you cannot ignore, because you are sore and bleeding. I've never been in so much agony as I was back then.

Right now? It's really scary. I take medication twice a day to help my stomach digest food and produce less acid, which will help inflame my intestines less. However, if I take it too late or early, it can mess with my system. I also have a restricted diet, with foods that I know I cannot eat. However, a big part of the diet will be trial and error, which makes eating a game of Russian Roulette. There are new treatments thought up everyday, such as IV treatments or raw food diets, but all these things are still options to explore. However, the trick will be figuring out the right combo of everything, so bear with me as I am tested like a guinea pig. However, from day to day I still have flare ups, which are painful and uncomfortable.

Yes, it could get worse. I could have another horrible month long flare up. I could start to not respond to my medication. I could get put on a much stricter diet, one were there is very little for me to eat. Parts of my intestines could die, and I could have to have surgery to remove them. I can't die from Crohn's, but I can face bouts of dehydration and because my immune system is compromised, I will always have to be really careful about being around sick people. Some of my biggest debates at the moments are what immunizations to get. So how I am now? This is the best it will ever be for me, so I am grateful.

I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to. I was scared that you would look at me differently, or that you wouldn't care at all. I was scared that you would think I wanted your pity or your sympathy. I just wanted to be who I had always been. I wanted to just be me, but as I get further into this, I realize that I have to tell you, because it may get bad. I have to tell you because some days will be better than others and I may need your help to get through them. I want you to ask questions if you have them, or read through my blog if you want. Because it is extremely hard for me to talk about it, and it will help if you understand this all.

It's still me, it's still Marisa. Yes it is a different me with a different set of rules and a new outlook on life, but I created this blog so that I could get through this all. This is me dealing with it, and as I said in my opening post, this is my journey though this and I am going to tell it. You are more than welcome to come along for it.

It is after all A Girl's Guide to Crohn's.

M