A New Way of Looking at Things

I have to admit, I've been secretly having a pity party for myself. I've been struggling to find the silver lining in all of this and so far I really haven't found one. After all, chronic illnesses have a way of making bad things bad. It was looking extremely dim. At least until today.

For one of my classes this semester, I have to intern with a teacher. I chose one that I had previously had and had begun my internship for a couple of weeks prior to the BIG NEWS. But this was my first day back and I had had all sorts of worries about it. What if I had an attack? Should I tell the teacher? Should I just not eat lunch to decrease the chance of attack? In the end, I decided to just play it by ear and not say a word or do anything out of the ordinary, figuring I would have time to tweek the adjustments of my new life.

But once, I got there, for the first time in a week, I didn't think about my Crohns. In fact, it was one of the furthest things from my mind. I was concerned first and foremost for what I was there to do and nothing else, which made me happy, and it wasn't until the end of the day when I realized that I was getting along quite well. I realized that it's doing the things that you love, and doing them with the care and concern that they deserve, that will break me from my pity party, because it's not about the Crohn's, it's about me.

Maybe the thing that will free me from all this is myself. Maybe the things that I love most are going to be the saviors that I need so bad right now. I can and will live my life just as I am supposed to, and no disease will strip me from that. Just because it may make some days harder than others doesn't mean that I'll let it destroy all of my dreams. I won't stop dreaming because of it, in fact, it might make me dream harder. Knowing that I may be crippled some days will make the good ones that I have that much more special. And I know that during the days where it's bad, I'll want to look back on the good.

We can all always use hope. And dreams. And the promise of tomorrow.

M