Worst. Diet. Ever.

Crohn's will destroy all of your bad eating habits.
Actually, it will destroy all of your eating habits.

When I started high school, six years ago, I was only so-so thin. I had maintained a good figure till I had to stop dancing that same year. However, stress and crappy cafeteria food will do horrible things to you, and I began to gain weight. By the time I graduated, I was in no way good shape. Luckily, over the next two years, college and work would provide me a better exercise, and added along with my ban on all things carbonated, I dropped about 8 dress sizes, and was pleased.

When the Crohn's flare-up happened? I lost 15 pounds in two weeks. Some days I could barely keep ice chips down and I was in no mood to eat anything. One of the symptoms of Crohn's by the way, is weight loss and loss of appetite. It was awful. I HATED IT. Being so limited to what I could have made me miserable and I hated that the food I once enjoyed was now taken away from me.

Post flare-up, I took no chances. I had a roast with veggies that was big enough for me to eat throughout the week for whenever I felt that the food my family was preparing was going to upset my stomach. I stayed away from dairy and other foods that were known to upset stomachs, and kept my body as hydrated as I could with water. But that doesn't save me from picking the wrong foods sometimes, and I then deal with the consequences. I feel like my life has become just one huge list of don'ts. Don't eat this, don't eat that, watch out for this, watch out for that.

I'm still losing weight, and it worries me. I mean, I'm not stick figured now. My hourglass figure still is, although now the proportions are smaller, and I still maintain them as proudly as one can. But this isn't the way I wanted it to be. I wanted to work for a better physique, not have it because I have a chronic illness.

I hate that this will be the rest of my life. That I will never be able to just pig out with the girls again or get crazy drunk on my 21st Birthday. Or eat my favorite meals without wondering if eat delicious bite will lead to pain later. It's another lesson that I wonder if I should even whine about. I have a built in diet for the rest of my life, and will be guarentted to never break it.

I just wonder....

Is this any way to live?

M