The Support Staff

You know, I think that if I didn't have anyone I would go crazy. I know that I said I didn't tell anyone, and that's true, but that's not to say that no one knows. And so, in a sense, they have become my support system. My very own legs to stand on. So that when I can't do this, I have them.

First of all, my parents. My parents of course, do the parental things, remind me to take my meds and ask me all through the day how I am doing. But really, it's the little things that make them all stars. Like how they make sure that I always have something that I can eat that won't upset my stomach, even if it means making something extra. Or buying new supplements or meds that will help me with fiber intake or replace protein lost. For reading books on the subject and for watching over me. My parents will always let me cry on their shoulders even if I am too stubborn to do it. They talk me down after I go all crazy and panicky after I read medical journals and horror stories about Crohn's. They never stop telling me that it will be ok.

My brother, who for the most part doesn't talk about it. And I love him for it. He makes fun of my special meals, reminding me that the world does not revolve around me. And I know he doesn't do it to be hateful or rude, he's just trying to make light of it. He keeps me from feeling sorry for myself all the time. He is my big heavy rock, grounding me from floating away sometimes. It's ok that he doesn't want to talk about it, because I don't. And when I'm around him, I don't have to think about it. I know he loves me, and I wouldn't want him to act any other way. I'm his big sister, I have to set some kind of example.

My best friend, who has protected me since we were three years old. Who I fight with from time to time, but when I need her she will always stand right there beside me. I always wanted to be as strong as her, as brave as her, she just always was. She was my big sister and she would make everything better, even scaring away the bullies for me. Now with this bully, she's still doing it, giving me the encouragement and strength I need to fight harder, live stronger. She's my best friend, and I'm glad she's always there for me.

The "stranger", the person I barely know, but I know reads my blog. For letting me talk about it, for listening to everything and always willing to be there for someone they barely know. I can't talk about it with many people, but it's nice to know I can talk about it with them. They show a kindness toward strangers that I didn't know was possible. I'm glad I know them, because their past experience has allowed them to understand what is happening to me, and because they are a great person.

My fellow Crohn's people, who happen to come across this blog, or who I meet. For giving me advice and sharing their experiences with me, for letting me know that I am not alone in all of this. For letting me know that there are people out there fighting just as hard as me and not all of them are horror stories. That people everyday live with this and go on to have happy lives. Thanks for letting me see that.

Those people? They save me. Everyday. They pull me through all of the pain and worry that I have about a disease I know so little about. They make me laugh and they let me cry and I feel better knowing that I have people like them on my side. Living with this is not easy, it's so incredibly hard. It's like a game of Russian Roulette and you never know what will end up happening to you once it starts. But that's life I suppose. My stakes are just higher than most people's.

I know that the biggest support is myself. I know that I am the only one who can really force myself into surviving and living. But I've done the whole do-it-yourself before. I've fixed a lot of my own wounds and trust me when I say it is nice to have people. It's nice to have people in your corner, jeering at the opponent. It makes me stronger. It makes me want to win.

You know those moments, right after all of the pain and suffering, when you have this moment of clarity all of the sudden? Like you realize that everything will be ok? When you could run outside into the night and sing "I Will Survive" at the top of your lungs just because you know you will?

I have those moments because I have those people.

M